Chocolate

Why is it that chocolate can make you feel better? I think of "Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban" where Lupin offers Harry chocolate after he experiences the dementors.

I've had a rough couple of days - a circus, really - and my mom says, "Where is your chocolate? Do you have some? Do you need me to bring you some?" It's as if the chocolate will solve the problems. The truth is, it helps. The concept of it does. The support from my mom and her offering chocolate helps. Sure, the problems are still there. The knowledge that she's there and supports me is what helps me push through. So no, "chocolate" itself doesn't help. She could offer a cup of tea, a pedicure, to tend the kids while I nap, etc. Any of these would render the same effect. But I like chocolate, so chocolate is the answer today. (A pedicure will be tomorrow and a nap will be over the weekend)

Curious about the circus? Let me tell you in bullet point format:

• Husband is working late

• I'm taking care of a 2.5 yr old and a 1.5 year old as well as 3 grown big dogs, 2 puppies, 2 pigs and 2 goats. Thank heavens the pigeons can fend for themselves because I don't think I could handle taking care of 50+ birds, too.

• Occupational therapist stayed until 7pm last night which lead to a scramble for dinner and some grumpy boys.

• Therapist brought a treadmill to help the baby learn to walk

• Toddler peed on the brand new, borrowed treadmill as soon as the therapist left. (At least he waited until she left, right?)

• Dogs knocked baby over

• Hurt my hand trying to deal with the chaos of dogs and crying baby

• Baby managed to eat a piece of charred wood from the decorative stump

• Called poison control to make sure the charred wood wasn't toxic. Turns out, it is NOT toxic, but will make you throw up and/or have diarrhea.

• Baby threw up

• Bed time

These are just some of the highlights from the circus. Needless to say, I was ready for bed. When I woke up, I was dreading going into the office. I have an hour commute which usually doesn't bother me, but the thought of it made me want to cry. I dragged my feet so inevitably was running late. I changed the baby and put him in the carseat. I grabbed the toddler from bed and put him in the car seat and started driving to the babysitters. Looking at the clock and realizing I was going to be at least 15 minutes late then hearing the toddler say "luh you, mom", I lost it. Started bawling. How can I go to work? I can't keep this up. Yes, I signed up for the commute, but it is no longer sustainable.

I messaged my boss and said I was working from home today. I didn't give any explanation. And it. felt. GREAT. Immediately, a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I could work from home and not worry if I randomly burst into tears. I could be 40 minutes closer to my babies and not have to worry about timing for dinner and trying to make it to the youth activity I was committed to.

Of course, I reached out to my support - my best friend, Becca, and my mom. Becca was, of course, sympathetic to my circus and had some great solutions for me. And my mom was also sympathetic and offered chocolate. THIS is what you need. You need a best friend to help pull you up and someone to offer "chocolate". My life coach told me last week that every human being needs to feel seen, heard, understood and accepted. This is me feeling all of those things. My circus is still performing, but the chaos of it seems a little more bearable.

I don't know who needs to hear this (it might be me when I reread this), but hang in there; life is a wild ride, but you've got this!

PS: thanks for hanging on for the ride! I've decided this blog will mostly be a way for me to journal.