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A New Day

Hello! My last post was pretty raw and emotional, so I wanted to jump on for a quick update.


I spoke with a dear friend who offered the grace and space that I needed. This is one of those friends that you don't talk to often, but when you do, it was definitely meant to be. Her husband is battling cancer, so she has had her fair share of learning to deal with all of the stages of grief.


We've had this coffee chat planned for a week now after rescheduling a couple of times. It was no accident that we happened to have it scheduled for yesterday. Within 5 minutes of chatting, I completely broke down. She created the space for me to be vulnerable which I will forever cherish.


After spilling my emotions and the backstory, she said, "We often expect emotions to be like clouds and float away, but this is a heavy cloud that needs to stay a bit longer. You get to sit on that cloud like a Carebear and work your way through it. But just know, I'm like a Carebear too, and I'll come and bump our bellies together and give you a hug while you're sitting on the cloud."


Gosh, isn't that a beautiful image? I've never been a fan of Carebears, but when she put it that way, I just felt so much peace. It was okay for me to be on this heavy cloud, and I wasn't on the cloud alone. Yes, I have a great support system. My husband asked how I was doing multiple times throughout the day and also created the space for it to be okay to feel what I was feeling. That acceptance, that feeling that it's okay to feel mad, was exactly what I needed.


I realized that I was trying to rush through the anger. I felt like I shouldn't be angry - or I shouldn't be angry for that long. That's what the surge of emotions was telling me. It was telling me to stay for a while and really feel them.


And you know what? Now that I've accepted this, I haven't felt nearly as sick today. Yesterday, I would feel nauseous and just get pissed. Now I'm hardly even nauseous. My body still feels pregnant, so I'm sure it will still hit - at least until my body sheds the sac and we can start over on ovulating - but it's manageable today.


Counting my blessings.


Thanks for letting me have this space!

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